Use Verbs Instead of Nouns to Drive the Action
Noun-based writing places abstract nouns (like redirection) in the position of subjects and uses a much weaker verb (carry out) to complete the sentence, but without any sense of action.
Recall that we looked at a professional sports play-by-play. When the sports play-by-play is written in an institutional style, the people doing the action are not the subjects of any of the sentences. So instead of "Zidane running up the field", we have "the run taking place by Zidane". In this case, the action verb run is converted to a noun and the sense of action is diminished.
The same effect occurs whether you are writing about scoring goals in sports or achieving the millennium development goals through World Bank projects. A sentence without action will fail to engage its readers. Have a look at a similar comparison of sentences: one is noun-based, and the other is verb-based (action-oriented).
|A noun-based sentence|
Consistent with its mandate, the organization has made a commitment to the mobilization of the vastly increased resources that are needed for the establishment of the Global AIDS and Health Fund.
|Revised sentence using more verbs|
Consistent with its mandate, the organization has committed to mobilizing the vastly increased resources needed for establishing the Global AIDS and Health Fund.